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Finally! I had to talk to several people to get another name of a counselor I could see, but at last, I met with Susan.  I told her all I seemed to do was cry! That I was fearful, anxious; on edge. She was sympathetic and told me I had PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). I didn’t really know that much about PTSD. Associated it more with people fighting wars, or at least really bad traumas. I hadn’t thought much about the fact that what happened to me was traumatic. It was, I just hadn’t “got it” yet.

The third time we met, I told her all about the debacles I’d been having with Human Resources, Workman’s Comp, Corporate Insurance…(while wiping tears, and snot. I had NO control over my emotions.) How Human Resources told me, just that morning, that I was never supposed to meet with Susan, that I was supposed to meet with someone in a network of providers through Workman’s Comp (WC), not the corporate insurance company. I was so upset!  Also, the branch manager hadn’t known to file a claim. When she did find out, she didn’t know how to do it! So, the HR lady did it. No one seemed to know what to do. What an incompetent corporation!

I also told her I’d had one nice talk, with corporate insurance –  the first to say ‘sorry this happened to you, can’t imagine what you’re going through’. Thought I’d found someone who would really help me. Nope. He said I’d get a call from a WC adjuster and a nurse, and get a list of providers for further counseling. I was still waiting to hear from someone. Oh, and I’d spoken with a woman from Hartford who filed a Short Term Disability claim even though I was already told I don’t qualify??? AND she said I’d get a packet of info from Family Med Leave people. I was still waiting on that, too.

Susan said she’d look into all this and see what she could do. Guess what? She couldn’t do anything but wish me well. I had to find another counselor.

{Excerpt from journal ~ September 3, 2011, Saturday, 5:28 pm ~ Dear Jesus, I feel angry, sad, frustrated, hurt, tense, irritated, emotional, headachy, anxious, fretful, depressed, stressed…I need to get another job, but don’t want to take public transit, it takes longer, costs too much, then I’m stranded AWAY from my car! Also, people get beat up and robbed on buses and trains! I KNOW You’ll provide! You ALWAYS do! Everything ALWAYS works out! Nothing good lasts forever; nothing bad lasts forever! HELP ME! I can’t quit thinking about EVERYTHING! …My mind races from one topic to the next and the next and the next!!!}

(to be continued)